mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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