Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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