I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
