dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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