at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
As shirtless as possible
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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