I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Randomize
