I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
