i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
