you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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