this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.