I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.