He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i think i just lost a toe