He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.