You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season