I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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