puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.