I am puke
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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