Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
