He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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