worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
