If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize