We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
