I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
