I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
