i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
