I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
