The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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