There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
