I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
