dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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