marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
