That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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