Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drunk is not a location!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
