You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
