I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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