His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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