you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
