I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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