I accidentally burped into my bong.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
