You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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