I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
