Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
