I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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