AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
