Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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