you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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