you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
