Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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