thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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