remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
