she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
