so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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