the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
