i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
