sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
