We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
