This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
