careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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