The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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