Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
