What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
