Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
