I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize