maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
