Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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