how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
