Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
