I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize