you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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