i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
