how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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