Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
