It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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