i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My liver is preforming stress tests.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
