btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
