This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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