Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
