I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
