I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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