I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
