She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
