nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
